After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
