Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
