That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
