12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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