I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
