listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
