I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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