Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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