If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
