Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
