Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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