did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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