PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
