Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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