please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
