You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
