I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
