I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
