No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
