Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
