If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
