I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
