my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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