Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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