how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
