in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
