You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
