i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
