I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
