Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
