I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
