when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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