remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
