i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
