Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
