....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
