i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
