I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
