Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
