last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
