yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
