need another drink. this is the easiest way
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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