elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
