I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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