I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
