Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
