i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found the puke drawer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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