If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
