Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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