Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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